its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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