We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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