Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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