I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
