38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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