Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
