my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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