exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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