In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
