you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
