Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
