I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
