Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
