you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
