I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
