if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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