Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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