dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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