Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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