Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize