I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
