Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
