She is in my trunk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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