what day is it and did you see me today?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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