I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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