Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Pooping to opera.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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