I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
