In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
