i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize