There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
