I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
