How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize