i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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