I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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