i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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