Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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