I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
