I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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