the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
