maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
