Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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