I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
