just tell him i said nine months
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
