it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
