i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
