I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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