Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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