I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
