sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
