I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
