im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
