I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
