Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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