Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
