Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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