The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
