i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize