i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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