I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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