Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
