It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
