Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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