she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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