I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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