when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
