His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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