I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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