did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
