No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
