She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
