yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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