I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
