So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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