Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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