just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
