Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
