I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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