Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
