Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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