She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
